So I’m walking / running to my water and thinking of my favorite coward. And mother effing her up one side and down the other. Then I think where are your manners Christina. You’re being positively uncivilized. You’re an animal.
And out of nowhere the show courage the cowardly dog pops into my mind. How I was always drawn to it despite how effing bizarre some of the content is. Then I thought why is it called that and who wrote it. Because well …. Me. That’s what I do.
I’m supposed to be walking. I’ll probably get hit by a car or wander into traffic. Don’t put that out into the universe. As if my self preservation and hyper vigilance would let that happen.
Near the Sundae House. A piece of history. Anyway this show…. Courage was scared all the time, and yet when someone needed help he did the thing anyway. That’s what I recall. And now I’m wondering more about that creepy woman and man he lived with. Did the writer have narcissist parents, probably! And that’s a way I was held in childhood and didn’t even know it.
Perhaps I owe my empathy and fixing tendencies to courage the cowardly dog…..
My skin is loving the sun. Next threat after pancake, sun death (fainting). Isn’t anxiety fun?!
Good thing my knight in shining Buick shall be showing up with Gatorade and Groceries. I have changed the rule of our visit game today. Without any warning. My speciality. He had learned to just go with it, lol. A patient man. I would say a saint but he would give me this incredulous look like I might be crazy!
Guess what I am! Spoiler alert. But you’ve known that a long time. What’s that Alice in Wonderland quote, something about being mad, and the best people are. Veronika Decided to die, the alchemist, City of Girls, Alma Whitaker ….. Brene.
Abby and Glennon….. nobody puts baby in the corner. 80’s movies. Young love between the popular rich and the other side of the tracks girl/guy.
Tale as old as as time…. The battle between good and evil. The truth and the lie ! Rayya and Elizabeth…. That Brazilian guy, Craig.
All the breaking and the bleeding. Back breaking metaphorphisizing change.
All your posts about blame. Shall we call it displacement of responsibility for emotional comfort ? Is that more mannered for you.?
Selling an idea of how things should be while not actually possessing an ounce of the courage I do.
As I’ve been seen the faint of heart need not apply and I’ll shout this from the roof tops. Mary Poppins style with the chimney sweeps, they raised me after all.
As it turns out reclaiming my original soul has not been without its wounds. They burn and ache so good. Like my feet and my heart right now.
But not only am I alive, but I am loving my own life. It may be lonely and full of mistakes, and I’m ok with that. Watch me work. Spin straw into cold. Kiss a princess, and go on an adventure…..
Watch me….. kiss me…… tell me.
Show me I have no use for your empty words…… they won’t activate anything in me anymore.
Show me a warrior. Loyal Brave and True…..(and yes I am those things as it turns out yoy do have to be loyal to yourself first in certain ways that are the opposite of selfish, had to learn the very hard way, as usual) because that’s what fairy tales and made of and magic is made by the bravery of our hearts, not the passive longings of our childhood selves.
It requires follow through….
Now watch me practice what I preach because I was always going to….
New and most real danger, walking into a telephone pole or street sign or mailbox just almost did that. Moving to the side of the street where I can watch the cars because the drivers are often doing what I am, and pancake is still also a threat.
There’s always a threat outside but what I can confidently say is the one from within is being purged daily.
Ok head up and eyes forward and weight back as my knight says ….
The water is on the horizon any second….