I’m listening to a Codependent Mind, Brian and Stephanie talking about trauma and shame from a unique perspective.
I’m reading East of Eden. Sometimes novels are a lifetime of therapy all in one story depending on what you bring to it.
I’m working a Course in Miracle’s, albeit very small bites at a time and lots of reflection. See my tendency to explain my ability to produce. Would ya look at that 😉
Atonement. Atunenent. To self and other.
Slowing. Staying with me.
“Am I practicing what I preach” is my usual alignment question. Or preaching more than I practice. Preaching is easier, less vulnerable. Vulnerable is the heart opener: it must be exercised over and over.
A typical refrain lately is “it’s a practice not a perfect.” Annoying counselor isms for 500 please Alex.
Double or nothing.
I have returned from the shore. Restful bliss. How did I go so many years without? That is the question of the hour, the day, the week, the year, and my life in so many ways.
Along with how did I learn how to cope, and how has that impacted the trajectory of my fate.
Amor Fati
I’m on episode 7 of the first season of the co dependent mind and they are talking about how emotions become cut off and compartmentalization. Yep I’m in the right place.
I love the rainy ness of the day. I never understand why people don’t like the rain. I love how it feels on my skin just as much as the sun. Both are necessary.
The green is here and so also is the sounds of lawnmowers and gardeners alike. My hair is doing that wavy thing it does with moisture.
Plumbing work on the house. The deck is in finishing stages (finally, I hope). The pool will be opened soon.
A house continues to become a home: as does my heart. Parallel lines in my universe.
I’m here just swimming daily inside the depths of myself, and coming up more often for air than I have in the past.
I love that for me.
Long time coming.
If I’m a poet I’m a poet.
If I’m a song I’m a song .
Less obsessive thoughts about what’s right or wrong.
Where did that come from anyway….
You know
A story for another day.
For now all I have to do is walk.
I was finally ready, and chose a new piano teacher. The scar is more brown than pink now. So despite the argument of my nervous system best to get back on the horse and all of that.
Tally Ho !
I’m making some schedule changes I’m anxious and excited about. I’ll have significant more time for myself, and my god does that challenge all the programming cable car pathways.
I commandeer my own vehicle these days. Any mistakes are mine, and all victories large and small as well.
I’m no longer agonizing in so many of the ways I was, as if every step could be a land mine.
What life is this I often say.
Heaven really is a place on earth and make me a believer baby.
I am
It’s evening Christina. After six clients Christina. Walking again. Taking in the spring sights and smells. As the day winds down.
I just used foresight of regret as a motivation for change with a client and it’s giving me pause to contemplate my own. Because of course it is.
The trees are aglow. The clouds highlighted in the same.
I don’t have what I thought I did in the tank for writing. Only being for me this evening.
Good thing I got a little down during less wiped out Christina time.
I plan on writing here more. My follow through and consistency has improved in so many other areas, it’s time for it to be so in my relationship with me.
Oh but before I go a random but probably not thread. My piano teacher is the mother of the boyfriend of a favorite bartender at the place formerly known as Crave. She introduced me to East of Eden. She (my new teacher) just finished it.
I remember the day I sat at the bar with my books and drink exactly. She has quotes from the book tattooed and I was excited even to be in the presence of another lover of the written word and thought whatever makes a person feel so passionate to preserve this art on their body…. I want to read that.
And several years later here I am, with her boyfriend’s mother as my piano teacher.
The universe has plans
I feel it…
In my fingers
See what I did there 😉