So here I am taking the first step in an adventure that has been 36 years (and perhaps much more if you ascribe to belief in past lives) in the making. I am a person who becomes overwhelmed/overstimulated so very easily, and it is difficult to tell whether this is a product of identifying as a Highly Sensitive Person, ADHD, or just the fact I wear MANY hats. One of my biggest obstacles to writing this is asking myself if I can organize the material in such a way that YOU, the reader, will get something important out of my work, as well as be entertained. I seem to doubt in my ability to do this, despite much tangible evidence towards the opposite. Writing about my many doubts and fears and what I do to overcome those I am sure will also be a big part of this. Maybe I will write this for just me. Who am I kidding with that one? I like to share. If I can’t share my enthusiasm and my journey, for me, it’s like it never happened. Fortunately after many failed attempts, I have found a partner who embraces my many thoughts and giant labrador-like enthusiasm for life as something that enhances hers. This is largely responsible for the fact I am here now, able to start this new venture with passion and patience toward myself.
I anticipate writing about EVERYTHING that one could possibly be curious about throughout the human experience. I will share what things that I am so you may know what the hell you are reading about, even if sometimes you don’t know why.
I am a 36 year old woman. I am a mother of 3 kids, my son is about to turn 16, and my twin girls are 13. I am a partner and have screwed up enough in the love department that I will proclaim myself an expert in this topic. That badge was won with many battle scars. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor who resides in the State of Connecticut. I am a business owner (by accident) of my own counseling practice in the town of Fairfield. I am a person who often pauses and looks at her life with a type of awe that most of my wildest dreams have become actualized. I am a Stephen King fan, perhaps fanatic is more appropriate. This is very interesting because I am quite sensitive to violence and tend to shy away from such material, but his writing and the intelligence of it, I cannot dismiss. He has a keen awareness of human nature and this is neatly woven into all his material. I am an old-soul. I am deeply spiritual and yet my personal expression of this or a specific plan that I ascribe to could only be described as eclectic and constantly in flux. I am a person who, like many, has some deep scars from a strict religious background, so this area often causes me conflict. I am a concrete and pragmatic person who desperately wants to believe in and keep magic alive in my heart. I am infinitely curious about EVERYTHING. The primary thing that pulls me is individual people’s experiences with life. As it turns out I ended up in the perfect field for this, in a place in this world that feels like a privilege rather than a burden. I am a person who does not take this for granted. So many people seek and do not find it. For as long as I can remember I have wondered about every tiny thing about people I come into contact with, the stuff that most would not even consider, and certainly would not ask; but I do. I do not have much of a sense for being socially appropriate or “shoulds”. I cannot seem to find the patience for them. I have the tendency to be naïve, particularly when it comes to believing in the best in people, and I plan to keep this even if all logic at times stands against it. I am poetic and wordy and perhaps learning to be more organized and concise will be a positive by-product of this project. I live mostly in my head, most of the time. Learning to moderate this so I can have the reward of having a close relationship with my family has been one of my primary tasks. I am a person who likes to process all of her thoughts and feelings out loud, and strongly believes in the learning that can be acheived through this. I am someone who fears being a burden, which means that the aforementioned has been quite the journey. I am a natural born leader and teacher who struggles with much self-doubt. I am a voracious reader, a hopeless romantic, a poet. I am a lover of stream of consciousness. I am a person who has an over-developed introspection and an under-developed repretoire of anything that you do not need to reach to the deepest parts of yourself to harvest. I am an Oregon girl at heart, however 14 years has me quite assimilated into the Nutmeg culture.
On motherhood: The very second I think I have made progress or cracked the code on a particular challenge, a new one is spread out before me. I didn’t become a mother the day those beautiful gems were placed in my arms, rather I am becoming a mother every single day. I fail as much as I succeed at this, and learning to be OK has been all part of the fun. I have Benjamin Buttoned to a degree as I have been told is quite typical of Capricorn’s. Even now as I type this I am hesitant to add so much pseudo-science material, and yet again it will be all part of the process.
On Life Stage: I am in that pre-midlife crisis stage where my metabolism has not-so-kindly dropped off a cliff and I am tasked with re-evaluating my self-worth in other terms besides what can be observed externally. In simple terms I am struggling with approaching the second half of my life. Where did the first half go?
On Health: I have Crohn’s Disease and have an entire journey to share throughout regarding chronic illness coping. I am a recovering hypochondriac who will probably always need to manage those tendencies even if I can now tell myself I am not dying when I simply have indigestion.
I am NOT a professional English anything and often during this blog I struggled with comma placement. This contributes largely to the self-doubt we talked about earlier on my ability to be classified as a writer. I am a writer of depth and heart, and probably not one of precision and accuracy with attention to grammar. I am hoping to learn more and get better at this as I go. I will try not to make it unbearably painful to get through as I learn 😉 I appreciate raw process so I do not know why I am having such trouble feeling what I must produce is a sparkling finished product. This is probably a symptom of living in the land of over-acheivers. Think Stepford wives here. Anyone remember the last line?
Welcome…. let the journey begin.