This morning while I was having my coffee I came across an article about one of the victim’s of the Las Vegas Massacre. Two Strangers Bond over Country Music and Beer. Then the Gunshots Started.
*I am waiting for people from a tag sale site to come and pick up some items that they purchased. This is a most unreliable event to be sure. I am in the process of purging many lingering items that have been collected over the years. I am wanting to re-make a space that holds many memories, with some fresh energy of the self I am now, and of the journey in partnership that I am currently taking. A blog post on this soon. For now I cannot seem to unburden myself from this current pain.
I have an interesting relationship with trauma. I have the ability to stay focused, calm, and to be a protector… a healer…. I can do this very well when called to arms or faced with extreme need. However, when I am by myself, in my processing, it can bring me to my knees with pain. Since I attended school for psychology it has always been a learning game to figure out how much to delve into the news of these events. You see the news is just a headline, often about almost unbelievable events. Things you can easily imagine happened in some far off planet that may never touch you. But when I read the true accounts of people’s personal experiences that is when it truly comes to life for me. So this morning, quite accidentally…. I am raw with pain.
I have clients most of the day today. In my earlier days of being a therapist I would be concerned that I would be too drained from my own heavy feelings to do the work as well. My more experienced self knows that when I am at my most raw and vulnerable I do my best work. The trick is to stay with the meaning of the feeling, but be careful about the stories that we tell to make sense of it all. For example: if we decide to believe the world is a place with danger lurking around every corner it can become difficult to be in large social events without anxiety. If we delve too far into thinking that the world is filled with more bad than it is good then there is real trouble. I can never allow myself to believe this, despite the increasing amount of evidence. In my mind, even if it just a foolish belief: good will still always outweigh evil. This is the only way I can process through such events and stay upright and continue the fight.
As an empath and a highly sensitive person this event this time is like a weighted blanket constantly sitting on me. I actually have kept myself not dwelling or even peeking at the news too much for fear that it entirely crushes all the air out. This morning however, I had to read this article and let a little of the pain burst forth. With my writer’s imagination a story from a personal account like the one I posted above makes the entire event come to life in staggering technicolor. This story brought me right there to the scene.
There is no sense to be made of such a tragedy. There is only the increased need for immense love to be spread. My always mission is to keep myself in such a way that I can continue to do that. My dear friend Chip who has his own struggles often writes me e-mails about small acts of kindness that have been bestowed upon him, that he then pays forward. These always brighten my day. Anyone can be a hero. This man in the article was the Vo family guardian angel. I hope in such an event I would be like him.
My challenge to you is what act of kindness will you do today? Know that it can be as simple as a smile.