And I’m thinking about scarcity and what it does to a person. Autocorrect has changed that to for, and I pause for a moment to ponder if it may have known something I didn’t. Except it will always be a program and I more complex.
This morning I finished my 12th book of the year. 30 was the goal I set and I think I’ll set it to 60 next….. why so high ?! Not so I’m forced to meet it, but because it’s what I want.
I can choose what I want and don’t have to remain programmed.
A beautiful human thing.
I’m wise enough to know that I needed enough abundance to be here now, and that I didn’t create it alone. But I am the one making the time to reflect and get this journey down. And without knowing what that will become.
That is trust…..
As someone who has experienced many births and many deaths I feel such a parallel to Adeline, the Invisible Life of Addie Larue. I finished it’s pages this morning. I read other things too, in this meantime.
So many full circle things right now and strange things are happening, real ones.
No longer all or nothing relationships with anything.
And I’m falling in love with nuance and mystery. With being able to be surprised. Not starving when I’m hungry. Not dead when I am hurt.
Does this change the curse?
The fairytale ?
My relationships are softer with more room to grow especially the one I now have with me. I trust her.
I lived in my head
Not on the earth
Now after so many rebirths
I’m grounded
And ready for real love
Mine
If I trust me I don’t need to trust you,
But I want to
It’s a work in progress
She says to her
I
All the sensory stimuli that created fear and pain, works the other way too.
It makes life burn so bright without an illusion of poison and pain seducing me… reducing me to a primal self.
I can be primal without the pain.
Sing and dance in the rain
Not spend all my time calculating possible losses and gains
Lost in my brain
Drained
Stained with the blood of our broken hearts
Now it’s in a vial around my neck
Not so strange when you understand it
Anyway I’m walking and breathing, sensing and reeling
What is this feeling ?
We went to visit a past life the other day, I held a baby boy that could have been mine if I had stayed. I enjoyed the presence I felt, the invitation, the welcome and the warmth.
Those that can hold space for nuance in a human journey.
And it has nothing to do with making new sets of rules or burning others.
It’s a cool surrender.
My love is a part of their world now and their’s will always be a part of mine.
That’s what connection does. It can be nurtured or not, but like energy it isn’t destroyed. Transmuted or redistributed maybe.
Our will and choices are what we have to manipulate.
More to life than being locked in a relationship with controlling emotions, when all you had was fear anyway.
Wanting will kill you if you can’t appreciate being. The simple things.
I appreciate time and will make anything out of what I have.
I no longer need to know the exact right formula before moving. I never did really, but oh did I get lost in the story.
💜