A good person, a bad person. Perfect, imperfect. Heaven or hell.
These are some of the conflicts and experiences I am having lately. And the fact I am having them at all means that I am allowing myself a humanity that has never been present near my surface at least before. Not like this anyway.
Why is this humanity always seemingly at another’s expense?
Does healing need to be as relational and experiential and intense as I do it? And whom am I doing it for. Myself or other.
What are the parameters?
We meet our needs with other people. We tell stories about this to make ourselves feel and or look better. But that is in fact what a relationship is, we wouldn’t have one if it did not meet a need.
Meeting both needs for two people in a way that can endure can seem impossible.
Humans are trying to meet their many needs in a variety of ways every single day.
It seems to me that the world is in such a way right now that most of our wires are crossed on even what our authentic needs are.
Take our current political climate. Divisive. Filled with distrust, anger, fear, self-righteous judgments, unrest. I could go on.
I don’t know much right now, but I know to be a human with all of those things swirling around inside you is it’s own personal purgatory.
We tell stories to feel better about our actions in a variety of ways that are primarily subconscious. What those actions are come down to a result of a complicated array of values, belief systems, and mostly are derived from our experiences. Usually within the nuclear family. I have a wide array of experiences here because I’ve been a piece of a lot of different families.
Then there is our feeling selves. That natural innate place we all began. Pure presence. The closest to an innocence (child), we can ever get. Magical thinking, open enough to explore the world in a sensory way.
Cut that process off too soon or have too little freedom in it and the person spends the rest of their life driven primarily by their senses, as a result of the repression of expression and acceptance.
“Who was I before….”
Sensory and logical mind arguing daily. Trying to meet the need. Trying to define the need to even know what to meet.
Being a human being is much more complicated than a set of behaviors and unmet needs. And that realization is aggravating to the mind of a psychologist who would wish to reduce it down to that. Or needs by the very definition of the profession to do that.
But what about what is outside of that? Unseen forces. Destiny. Is that a thing? And why do people believe in it if nothing else than to have a story that makes them feel better.
Agency gives us the ability to write our own story. So how do we trust an unreliable narrator? And someone seeking will always be unreliable wont they?
Abundance or scarcity mindset, and the ability to craft a life to allow for the experiences one chooses most. To be able to live in ambiguity. To have to readjust what security means in this world.
No one wants to be alone in sickness or in death. So what are we willing to exchange for that security?
Fear is a greater motivator than curiosity or even love …..