Simple Pleasures and Adult Responsibilities

*it is injection day. By the light of day I rarely talk about my disease, but as part of doing this blog I want to make a conscious effort to not omit less palatable aspects of my life. Even if it does feel better to live in denial on this one.

My tough guy girlfriend is yelling at our border collie mix Henri (Etta) as she attempts to “protect us” from the mailtruck. Sigh. She has come into this home after it has been fully formed, and probably questions her sanity as she attempts to undo bad habits in my dogs that have been long standing. She is also having serious ADHD while trying to complete her Morning Pages, I can relate. I already completed mine. Overachiever say what 😉 We run on very different schedules she and I. She is just waking up fully around the afternoon (when we have days off together), and I wake up with the first sign of dawn (usually because a teenager has missed his bus), but also because to me each morning is a new day.

I have been born with this enthusiasm that I don’t even understand. Often it has made me feel odd or different, awkward even. This brings me to a series of questions that have always been a big part of my thinking, the whole nature versus nurture debate. Was I made this way, or have I just cultivated it so much that it has become a part of me? I can always remember waking up and my mind abuzz, and my spirit ready for a new adventure. For me there is always new people to meet or something new and exciting to experience. Lately I almost feel some sense of guilt that I am so naturally this way, and for others it is so different. So even more the wondering if this is just in my wiring or if needing to learn this was a function of my childhood. I definitely would have needed to find things to be enthusiastic about. I think I manufactured my own world in my mind, and all the while never felt I had a creative bone in my body. Go figure.

I almost become excited to go to sleep at night so I can get it over with so it’s the next morning and I can partake in my beloved ritual of my morning cup of coffee in a favorite mug and writing/reading. I spend a great deal of my time in reflection and thinking, probably 90 percent of it. In this later half of my life I am learning to spend some of it on play. My partner helps me with this. Yesterday we went to Target for a pen. I have always had a thing about pens. Certain inks that glide as if the pen isn’t even touching the paper. I am old-fashioned and love touching pen to paper, it breathes air back into a soul that has been sucked out by modern technology. Our Target adventure also yielded a 40 + set of fine tipped colored markers, a sketch pad, some sick supplies for one of my 13 year old twin girls who had a cold (soup, the nasty kind, and gatorade), stickers (for morning pages), … essentially things that spark and nurture creativity. Courtney and I are spending some time as a couple working paralell in this journey.

Last night while randomly watching the movie Sing, which is adorable by the way, we took cute pictures on the couch with Sig. One of them came out perfect with all of our tongues out. Feeling like I must post it now… yes I must….

Simple Pleasures
Silly Pleasures

I am survived by the simplest of pleasures that keep my soul warm on a cold day. Cups of coffee and journals, sketch pads and novels, hooded sweatshirts and walks next to her, a shared glance and the tender hand hold. There are so many to list. My life has unfolded before my imagination with so many moments of bliss I never anticipated. I feel grateful for every second.

The adult responsibilities portion of this post is everything in between these moments. Currently it is the fact that we need to replace the furnace in the house. Found out yesterday. This is in the ballpark of $6500-10,000 apparently, it is an immediate necessity. Finding this out yesterday made me think of the movie UP. I now want to watch it. I think of how they planned on travelling together and made a jar to save and then how every little thing came up. In the past this would have made me unbelievably stressed. Especially as it seems so unfair that Courtney moves in and then needs to share in this expense (or will because she is that kind of partner). My mind says that I duped her or she has done the opposite of winning the lottery. She won the lottery in love I suppose and my romantic side thinks great, and my practical mind argues. What is a whole house full of possessions with no one to share it with? Right?

So back to rectifying student loans and figuring out the ultimate fate of that payment, getting estimates and making hard decisions about new AC/FURNACE units, running errands, etc. But first I am going to make an egg salad sandwich while listening to Ani and hopefully get a nice kiss in the kitchen. The simple pleasures to me, will always outweigh the crushing aspects of life…

My heart is full….

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